One Lunatic's Futile Search For Puerto Rican Food

While I was in line at Tal's Bagels, a man with Elvis-hair entered the store. He was obviously hungry. Seeing that the cashiers were of Hispanic descent, he proceeded to assault them with a barrage of questions in Puerto Rican Spanish. The questions were all of the "Do you have (type of food)?" variety. Only he wasn't asking for tuna, or egg salad, or any of the other usual things one orders at a traditional Jewish deli. Pacing wildly in front of the cream cheese, the man asked for mariscos and various other foods that could be found just a couple blocks away at many Puerto Rican restaurants.

As each of the man's requests was denied, he grew increasingly agitated (and so did his hair). "I HAVEN'T EATEN IN EIGHT DAYS!" he shouted. (This was unlikely, as he appeared very well-fed.) He finally settled on a dish with the help of the bemused cashier.

I breathed a sigh of relief and started to walk out the door. But it appeared that the drama was not yet over... the last words I heard were, "Can't you serve rice with that!?"